chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
