Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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