He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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