He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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