My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize