LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
