JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am available for nakedness
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
