Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
