I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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