Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
