Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
