...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Bring me that man meat
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
