I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Soap is not a condiment
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
