i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize