week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
