TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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