she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize