HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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