in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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