I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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