do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Randomize
