2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
