Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
