he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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