dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
