it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
