what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
