My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
