Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The air taste purple.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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