Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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