just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I checked into jail on foursquare
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
