i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
