my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
