break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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