i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
