Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
