i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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