So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
sarcasm needs its own font
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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