Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
