At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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