I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
