OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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