Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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