Yo dont text me then not text me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You are the jesus of drinking
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
