dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
