i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
