i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
