Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
