I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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