At least make sure they are 18
Why
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
