You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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