hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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