will power is for people who don't want to get laid
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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