i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
