Swine flu. Run for my life!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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