I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize