considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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