If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
