I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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