My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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