Umm I'm too high to move.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
