are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
