She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
