Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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