i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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